Great Moments in Chat History Episode VI: Steak-Lube

Brian (8:50:51 AM): i didnt know that such things existed

Brian (8:50:55 AM): penis helmets?

me (8:50:59 AM): me neither

me (8:51:00 AM): honestly

me (8:51:03 AM): i don't see the point

Brian (8:51:17 AM): its for the chick

Brian (8:51:19 AM): obviously

Brian (8:51:26 AM): its like making clit lube that tastes like steak

me (8:51:32 AM): wait what

me (8:51:44 AM): i'd.. prefer a fruit... not... raw meat... but whatever floats your boat

Brian (8:51:51 AM): dude

Brian (8:51:55 AM): real men love steak

me (8:51:59 AM): i LOVE STEAK

me (8:52:09 AM): but it's not what i'm thinking about when i'm painting the fence with my tongue

Great Moments in Chat History Episode V: LOLPLASMA

brian (12:14:47 PM): [Amusing] Half of British men would give up sex for six months for a 50-inch plasma TV. No word on if it's possible to get one for time served

me (12:14:56 PM): ROFL

me (12:14:58 PM): hahahahha

me (12:15:04 PM): you'd have 2

brian (12:15:04 PM): id have 2

brian (12:15:07 PM): DAMMIT

me (12:15:07 PM): omg

brian (12:15:08 PM): HATE YOU

Best Typo Ever.

me (1:52:26 PM): you're not han solo?

me (1:52:28 PM): fair enough.

brian (1:52:36 PM): im nowhere as cool as han

me (1:52:41 PM): :-(

me (1:52:43 PM): you and me both

brian (1:52:51 PM): im MAYBE

brian (1:52:52 PM): MAYBE

brian (1:52:54 PM): at wedge level

brian (1:52:58 PM): or dak

me (1:54:01 PM): wow, so you feel like you can take on the whole empire yourself?

me (1:54:14 PM): do terrible tech support and constantly have malfunctions in fire control?

brian (1:55:17 PM): yeah

brian (1:55:18 PM): but

brian (1:55:20 PM): then i die.

me (1:55:29 PM): dude

me (1:55:35 PM): just cunt into the auxilary.

Mad Libs

me: dude

me: we should play mad libs

me: with who i want to kill

brian: bring it on

me: I want to ________ (violent verb) this _______ (name or occupation) with a ________ (noun) in his _________ (noun, body part).

brian: viciously glue. alpaca farmer. mop handle. esophagus.

me: I want to viociously glue this alpaca farmer with a mop handle in his esophagus

brian: bingo.

me: that's brilliant

me: dude... mop handle? lol

Say it more with... Intensity.

Great Moments in Chat History Episode 4: Time to Choose

me: ALICE KRIGE

me: or

me: THE KURGAN

brian: i dont like this game

me: the similarities... are uncanny.

me: ok

me: ALICE KRIGE

brian: *imagines the kane and lynch playmate*

me: THE KURGAN

me: or CHRISTOPHER REEVES CORPSE

brian: reeves

brian: cmon

brian: he was superman.

brian: >>.

brian: <.<

me: so we got this to work with

me: I spent the night with Superman

me: Why the World DOesn't Need a Superman

me: and

me: I banged superman's corpse

brian: if i was banging superman

brian: id say

brian: go dance with the angels, mister!

me: see

me: my imagination is having fun

me: and you punish me with that line

me: why?

brian: life isnt fair, man

brian: although

brian: i find it funny

brian: that necrophilia with a quadrapalegic

brian: not offensive

brian: bad writing in a japanese video game port

brian: EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE

me: this seriously has me rofl'ing

me: however

me: if you were banging his corpse

me: it's not something i'd have to image or see

me: but that line

me: when it's said

me: is probably what it would sound like

me: the sound of a person banging christopher reeves corpse = the line go dance with the angels mister

Great Moments in Chat History Episode 3: The Rubbing

brian: yep
brian: i only rub it on dennis haysbert
me: as you should
me: for insurance purposes.

Great Moments in Chat History Episode 2: Killing me Softly

Brian says:
but i just stood there

Brian says:
blood going down my leg

Brian says:
looking at the knife

Brian says:
and im like

Brian says:
what.

Brian says:
the.

Brian says:
fuck.

Great Moments in Chat History Episode 1: Baby Buy Back Ribs

You think they charge restocking fees if you return adopted children? You know, since they are essentially opened and used?